Spot The red flags in dating: Online Dating 101

Online dating apps are the new normal for meeting people today, but they have also made us pick partners more carefully, as we will discuss in this article – online dating red flags.  With more than 75 million people trying their love luck online, it is crucial to be cautious. Because let’s be real, there have been numerous cases of online dating scams and whatnot. Like our regular world, meeting people online needs to be dealt with proper attention and thorough vigilance.

If you are looking for a special someone for long-haul or a single night, these are the seven red flags that most people seem to miss while talking to people on dating apps.

The red flags in dating that most people miss spotting

Spotting the red flags is not always easy. While some are obvious, like no profile picture, boasting about their sex life, being sexist or racist, sending unprompted photos, or forcing their ways on you, are just to name a few. But sometimes, you can still look past the red flags regardless of them being right in front of you, waving and screaming.

Online dating red flags:

1. Their personality seems too good to be true

People are obsessed with portraying themselves as someone who is perfect to the tee. Sadly, these people also appear to be like magnets for others on the dating app. The way they talk, behave, and manipulate others to woo them in a relationship works like a charm. As a result, it can be extremely challenging to differentiate between people who are actually good versus the ones masking to be good.

If you are looking for someone on the dating app and end up locating someone who looks perfect in every shape, way, and form, that’s your first clue. When they start using phrases like; “I stay away from the drama,” “I don’t take myself so seriously, so you need to feel at home with me,” or “I am all about the good vibe.” You should know that such people are all about drama, making sarcastic comments that you ‘shouldn’t’ take to heart, and will ghost you the moment your vibes slightly shift from being assertive and happy to something else.

2. They are playing a victim – superiority complex at its best

Oh, the victim red flag is far overdue, but it’s still able to twist people online every now and then. You see, most of us would love to save a sinking ship. Similarly, they will make up their life to be so hurtful that you will have to rescue them, comfort them, and do things to make them feel a hint of happiness.

Generally, they will talk about how they are literally an angel and how some cruel souls have hurt them over and over again. Their motto is to gather sympathy and make you feel protective and caring towards them. Unfortunately, they also manipulate you by comparing you with their toxic past and using their ‘pain’ as an excuse for poor behavior.

If you hear things like, “I have always been the one girls run behind like crazy, but a girl once broke my heart, and I’ve been an introvert since then.” Or “I have childhood trauma, and it would take a lot for me to trust you.” Other times, they will put the onus of their happiness on your shoulders by saying, “if it weren’t for you, I would have never felt this happy,” or “you give me hope to be happy again. Otherwise, no one really cared about my feelings.” These statements may sound so sweet, but it is just a giant red flag, especially at the start of a relationship.

3. They have a shifty personality

It is a rare one, but oh boy, this red flag is massive. When you start talking to them, they will be obsessed with you. You will be bombarded with texts and calls morning, afternoon, and night. But one fine day, they are nowhere to be found. Then, after a few days, they show up again as chirpy as they were in the beginning with excuses that you can’t say no to. And yet again, the cycle goes on and off.

Surprisingly, these red flaggers are actually very good at sounding genuine and trustworthy. They will go up and beyond to make you believe that they were caught in something serious and this would never happen again. Plus, how they have missed you every second they were away, and Bla! Bla!. You get the point—their personality shifts every other week, which can be too much to handle.

4. They want to ‘borrow’ some money

You might match with a person that seems to have a lavish lifestyle. They are all about showing that money. Basically, making sure that they are well-established and have their way with the tabs. But suddenly, they want you to send some grands to their bank account, which they will return later, of course. Guess what? That day never comes, and you lose the money you lent to your rich friend online.

In some other cases, they build a fairly positive repo with you from the start. You wouldn’t be able to guess whether this person is a red flag. After a while, when trust seems established, they will begin to ask you for small money favors. Might even return the amount they took. But, it is a far-sighted game. When you are comfortable with them, especially around the money, that is when they strike and ask for bigger chunks. Only to ghost you and run away with whatever valuables they took from you.

The bottom line is that there is absolutely no reason to share monetary advances with anybody, including those you met online. Until and unless you are one thousand percent sure that the person is not scamming you, you should never lend anything to anyone.

5. Joking about their ill habits

“I am so protective about my partner that I wouldn’t let them go out of my sight – Hahaha” *sirens* Red Flag. It is a very common misconception that aggression, control, and being toxic are somehow desirable. These patterns can be mainly seen in guys who try to come across as ‘manly’ by doing the stereotypical manly things.

Such people boast about having a crazy mindset like it’s something everybody looks up to. For instance, “I got so angry that I broke the glass top with my hands.” Here they are trying to show how strong they are, and they have manly mad anger issues – Oh, so manly, Not really. More freakish and scary. So, when you are talking to someone, and they bring up their immature and toxic behavior as a joke, block that window instantly. You don’t want that kind of energy in your dating life.

6. The Smirky types

This is the narcissist clan, and they are very selective when it comes to online dating – simply put, they are the best, and no one can or should take their light away. One dead giveaway is the contempt smirk. The common thing about self-obsessed or narcissistic people is that they love bringing others down by hook or crook. So, when you see that sly grin crowning when you lost or ended up doing what they said – it is a red flag that they are trouble.

They will also make fun of you randomly and call it ‘funny.’ Then, when you get annoyed, they will name you the one with a temper. Cut short; they can never be in the wrong. If you are interested in someone that does everything ‘right’ and it’s the people that mess things up, then you know, stay away.

7. Photos that look a bit off

There is always something in the photos that can give you a hunch if someone is a red flag. The first thing is to trust your instincts. They are hardly ever wrong. And secondly, if their photos look like an A-class model portfolio, have too many bathroom or gym selfies, are cropped weirdly, captioned weirdly, or just feel off, then say your goodbyes to save yourself from future troubles and confrontations.

Wasting your time on people who might be catfishing or luring you into a scam is not worth the effort. Instead, look for people who look genuine, have tasteful profiles, and, most importantly, are respectful towards you.

8. Some bonus points- red flags in dating:

• They are too secretive about their life
• Always finding faults in or complaining about people or society
• Their sarcasm keeps growing
• Falling in love with you within the first few days
• Their profile is loaded with don’ts and nots
• Talking about their ex on the first chat
• Their answers feel like a hand-me-down generic template
• The profile is obsessively specific on what they are looking for, e.g., height, weight, skin color, etc.
• Are unsure of what they want from the dating app
• Who are trying to get you to follow their social media accounts
•  Are too busy sexualizing everything about you
• They go head-on with the unduly sweet-talk and flirting
• Tries to control your actions and thinking process
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Take Away

While apps have made connecting with people around the globe more effortless, it has also increased the online dating red flags in multifold. It can be uncomfortable for you to let go of someone you just found a familiar vibe with, but in the long run, it is better than dealing with poor mental health and consequential heartbreak.

You shouldn’t put your blind trust in someone you just met a few days ago be aware to online dating red flags. Instead, be careful about the information you share, including pictures and personal facts. Like someone once said, precaution is better than cure. So take your due diligence, and you will save yourself so much trouble.